What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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