I think im going to throw up on grandma
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
