this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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