ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
