just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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