i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
