if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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