No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
