I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
