i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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