I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
