i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
