Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
