What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
