Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
