Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
