I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
