I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
