Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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