whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
