Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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