I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize