just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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