She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
