I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
