i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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