I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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