shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
