I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
