A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
