I can text with my tongue
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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