I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize