dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
