he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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