you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
