I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
