you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
