THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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