a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
