In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
