Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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