Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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