you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
