Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
