I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
