i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize