I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
