It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
