Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize
