it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
