My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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