Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize