he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
