I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
too bad you live with your parents still
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
