woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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