thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
