you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
