Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
