I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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