You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
