home. puking in laundry basket.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
