Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
