Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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