If i come over, it means nothing
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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