haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
